I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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