The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
