I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
