I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were trust falling into bushes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
