My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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