Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
