Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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