She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
