Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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