OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
