I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They took my balls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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