Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
