You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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