This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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