I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
