so explain again why im purple
no
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
