I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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