You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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