so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
