all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
