Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
