Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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