There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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