hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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