I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
