I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
