I just saw a hot homeless man
North Korea, Best Korea!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
