i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
