Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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