so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
