This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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