You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
