just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
