you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
