i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I checked into jail on foursquare
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
did i just pee glitter
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
