I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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