Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
