Will you blow on my dice?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
