If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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