I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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