what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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