Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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