What did we do last night that was yellow?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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