Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
