Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
