the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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