you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
