My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
