So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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