I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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