I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
