I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
