I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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