She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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