My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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