I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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